Something New
I need something new. Someplace new. Someone new.
I feel like things have gotten stale here. I see the same people and do the same things day in and day out. I don’t really have any way of meeting new people with similar interests and around here the people with similar interests are generally melodramatic VCU artfags with their heads up their own asses.
I’d like to leave town for a while and go someplace. Maybe by myself. Unfortunately, that takes money that I just don’t have. When I stop and think about my routines now versus what and where I wanted to be 3 or 4 years ago I feel angry and lost. When did I become a wage slave? What the fuck is my problem? I know I can free myself from the cycle, I’m just not sure how to start. I need to find someone with a similar ambition and more social connections. I need to meet someone who can teach me something new.
School. Work. Sleep. That’s all I have to look forward to. I used to have people that I enjoyed spending time with, but they don’t have time for me these days and whether or not it’s their fault or not is not the point. The point is I’m on my own again. There’s always family, I know… but over the years I’ve felt very distanced from them and I have noticed a growing desire to increase the physical distance as well. It’s almost as if I can’t stand being around them (with very few exceptions- brad and his wife, dad). The thought of that bothers me as well. I used to be very family oriented. I guess that comes from my habit of distancing myself from conflicts. There’s too much conflict in my family and I just don’t want to be around it.
I think I need a change in weather as well. Me and the cold just don’t seem to get along. I think winter depresses me. I’ll have to look into moving further south.
You know… the more I think about it, I think I am actually MAD that people I care about don’t make time for me. I’m just going to implement a new rule: If you can’t make time for me, don’t expect me to make time for you. I can only think of a few people who can’t reasonably make time to talk to me or come by once in a while. Those people have a temporary excuse. Temporary. The longer it goes on the less reasonable it becomes.
Today I hate this fucking city and everyone in it.
If you care. Say something. I’ve been the one saying it for too long. I’ll try my best not to completely ignore you.
