Inauguration Day Perspectives
It is now about 1:30pm Eastern time. I am writing from Richmond, Va- a mere 2 hours from the enormous crowds that arrived to witness, in person, the historic inauguration of America’s first African-American president. As I watched the event live on the television I couldn’t ignore the feeling of a rising hope for the direction in which (hopefully) our country is now headed. I voted for Obama in the recent election. Not because I bought into the hype and not because I wanted to see an African-American president (though I admit I was interested in the difference of perspective). I saw the way his speaking inspired people. He was the most eloquent speaker of the Democratic party’s candidates. It was my personal hope that, if nothing else, his ability to inspire and bring people together under a common goal would be enough to move us forward into a more positive era. That being said, more so than at any other time up to this point, I was moved and filled with hope by his inaugural address. I felt that many things were said that needed to be said and several different aspects of this historic event were acknowledged. I appreciated that he acknowledged the significance of his being the first black president, but I also appreciated that it was not the focal point of the day. I feel that race is a minor issue in these times (though not entirely unimportant), especially in comparison to the enormity of the importance that we have a clean slate on which to start a new chapter in history and perhaps the ability to undo much of the damage that has been incurred in the past 8 years.
Moving on, there were many things about this inauguration which were memorable. From the speakers to the speeches and the performances.
The John Williams piece as performed by the quartet which included Pearlman and YoYo Ma was incredible.
Having Aretha Franklin perform was a nice touch (I would have preferred Gladys Knight or Tina Turner personally, but no complaints).
The gentleman that gave the benediction was fantastic. He had a voice that suited the purpose and the words which he spoke. I think this was my favorite part of the inauguration. His words were wise, and beautiful and gracious. He had a perfect blend of sombreness and lightheartedness. I appreciated that he closed with a bit of a laugh.
I think HW Bush’s outfit was a bit… odd. The furry beaver hat a-la Moscow, combined with his purple scarf and (yellow?) shirt made it look like he was part of the Moscow Lakers… I couldn’t help but laugh each time I saw him.
All in all, I think this was better than we had all anticipated it to be. I think what is most important now is to look ahead and for Obama to pick his first few actions very carefully. I think it will be very important that his first several tasks succeed. I think if there are many failures early on it may shatter the image and spend the hope of all who have waited for the promised change. It will be pivotal to have some small successes right off the bat to help support the promise of hope.
A Pox, A Plague… A Cold.
Well, it’s been a while… a long while, in fact, since last I was sick. I am not certain as to what I have caught this time around and since I have no health insurance I suppose I won’t be finding out (at least not through the regular venues of sickness diagnosis).
Here’s the deal…
It started with a sore throat and pretty intense body aches. A day later we added a cough and the sore throat got bad enough that I started to suspect strep. Two days later everything stayed more or less the same. The body aches were less, but then I WAS on a steady diet of Theraflu. To their credit, that stuff works AMAZINGLY well and tastes better than everything else I had tried. 3 days later the sore throat began to fade and I developed a small cough. Day 4- Sore throat gone. Body aches in the morning and the coughing went from a 1 to a 5. Day 5- Today I feel like someone clubbed me in my sleep. I have a minimal appetite (I ate a waffle for breakfast regardless of how hungry I though I was… now I feel like dying.) and I am EXHAUSTED! My lungs feel like they have rocks in them and nothing seems to be doing a very good job of loosening the phlegm. I have taken expectorants and mucus thinners… Dimatapp, Robitussin, Day/Nyquil. I get a little bit of relief from them, typically just enough to go on with my day. The next step is to hook up the vaporizer at night and take a sudafed before bed. That worked last time I had a bad cough and chest congestion.
Aside from myself though, it seems a lot of people I know got sick this past weekend. One friend managed to catch what his doctor called a bacterial version of the flu. It came complete with vomiting, dizziness and a fever of 102.7F. Fun times.
My roomates girlfriend also managed to catch something. Her symptoms point to some sort of allergy. wouldn’t be surprised if it was related to our heater. I think the heating ducts are really really dusty. I’ve also looked into changing the filter in the heat pump to a HEPA filter, but for some reason the filter piece of the furnace has been blocked and looks like I would have to do some minor construction work to get to it. Knowing this place, that filter has probably never been changed. I should call the local news station down to check this place out. Air leaks at all the windows and doors, bad heater, bad water heater, exposed wall sockets… I smell potential lawsuit.
And I COULD use some extra $$$. haha. Oh, America…Land of frivolous lawsuits and wreckless self gain at another’s expense.
I think if I don’t get rid of this cough soon I am just gonna die so I don’t have to deal with it anymore. My abs and ribs hurt soooooo bad from the incessant coughing.
So Bad its… Still Bad, But Absurdly Humorous
Wow. So this is starting off to be a shitty week. I don’t even wanna complain about it. I am now officially laughing because things have gotten SO ridiculous. Here’s the short list. You judge:
Burner inside our oven shorted out. Can’t bake anything and we have no microwave.
I have a cold that went from severe sore throat to severe cough in 2 days.
I bought $200 worth of books for school. Then had to switch classes and buy another $100 worth. I now own $120 worth of books that I am not using for anything.
My new class = doctoral dissertation. ( I am still working on completing my BA, thanks). This coupled with a class on the Canterbury Tales that will last 12 weeks.
My stomach seems to no longer accept beef or beef products. I loved cheeseburgers. I will now forever have “no cheeseburger face”.
Nyquil has made me late to work twice this week. I am now 0-2.
I have to ride with my mom and my sister for 8 hours in an enclosed vehicle. Originally I was just gonna pick up furniture, but they deemed it a good time to tell my grandparents that my sister is pregnant (not intentionally) and unemployed. I expect to get caught in some crossfire.
My only fan in my apartment (which I need in order to sleep- white noise) makes a very high pitched, very loud noise at random intervals during the night… interrupting my sleep. It is extraordinarily difficult to pinpoint the source of the problem when it is 3am and you are coked up on nyquil.
I haven’t gotten any since before thanksgiving. I’m ready to start biting people in half.
The people who live upstairs are apparently failing at learning to juggle bowling balls. Practice hours are from 10pm to 2am. Fortunately, they are practicing on Ave’s side of the apt and the noise on my end is fairly muffled.
I’m coughing so much my abs are going to look like Brad Pitt’s in Fight Club.
My credit card balance is waaaaaaaaay too high. I need to pay that down… now.
We have 8-10 min of hot water in our apt.
The increased stress has caused an increase in acne. I am livid. Probably not helping…
I think that’s good for now. I just… want to stop for a day or two. No luck til sunday/monday. Thanks for lookin out MLK jr.
Something New
I need something new. Someplace new. Someone new.
I feel like things have gotten stale here. I see the same people and do the same things day in and day out. I don’t really have any way of meeting new people with similar interests and around here the people with similar interests are generally melodramatic VCU artfags with their heads up their own asses.
I’d like to leave town for a while and go someplace. Maybe by myself. Unfortunately, that takes money that I just don’t have. When I stop and think about my routines now versus what and where I wanted to be 3 or 4 years ago I feel angry and lost. When did I become a wage slave? What the fuck is my problem? I know I can free myself from the cycle, I’m just not sure how to start. I need to find someone with a similar ambition and more social connections. I need to meet someone who can teach me something new.
School. Work. Sleep. That’s all I have to look forward to. I used to have people that I enjoyed spending time with, but they don’t have time for me these days and whether or not it’s their fault or not is not the point. The point is I’m on my own again. There’s always family, I know… but over the years I’ve felt very distanced from them and I have noticed a growing desire to increase the physical distance as well. It’s almost as if I can’t stand being around them (with very few exceptions- brad and his wife, dad). The thought of that bothers me as well. I used to be very family oriented. I guess that comes from my habit of distancing myself from conflicts. There’s too much conflict in my family and I just don’t want to be around it.
I think I need a change in weather as well. Me and the cold just don’t seem to get along. I think winter depresses me. I’ll have to look into moving further south.
You know… the more I think about it, I think I am actually MAD that people I care about don’t make time for me. I’m just going to implement a new rule: If you can’t make time for me, don’t expect me to make time for you. I can only think of a few people who can’t reasonably make time to talk to me or come by once in a while. Those people have a temporary excuse. Temporary. The longer it goes on the less reasonable it becomes.
Today I hate this fucking city and everyone in it.
If you care. Say something. I’ve been the one saying it for too long. I’ll try my best not to completely ignore you.
So This Is The New Year…
This one started off wrong. I feel very empty inside and despite being in a room full of people I care about I couldn’t make myself care about what was going on around me. It felt like something was tugging on my insides. Strange feelings of dissatisfaction (with a lot of things) and not so strange feelings of loneliness. I was the only person in the room who was there alone tonight. Its a shitty way to kick off your new year. I hope this is not a forecast for the remainder of my year either… I don’t think I can handle feeling like this too often.
I pause just long enough to wonder at the source of this loneliness. Am I a malcontent? Perhaps just a generally negative person? I don’t believe so- but ones perspective on oneself is hardly a reasonable starting point for genuine and credible analysis. I feel that I have felt this way too often in recent months. I miss having someone there to say things to me I need to hear. I miss having someone thoroughly interested in me and I in them, the way you feel about someone when you just meet them. You know, you want to hear all their stories, know what they did today and what they are doing tomorrow and when you ask you ask because it matters to you not because its proper protocol or habit. I miss the small (and the large) things in common and the little differences that keep things interesting. I am sick of people acting boring because they believe thats how grown ups act. If everyone was so goddam serious all the time everyone would be dying of strokes and heart attacks and cancer… oh, wait.
Maybe we should cut the charades and just live like we wanna live and do what makes us happy. Problem is, we’ve become so concerned over what is practical and how others perceive us that we don’t really know anymore what it is that would make us genuinely happy. I know… and it isn’t that difficult for me.
Companionship.
I want someone to enjoy what I enjoy and get genuine pleasure from it. I want to talk in fast sporadic bursts overlapping another person and their voice overlapping mine because we are so excited about the same thing. I want someone who, when I am not around, seeks me out. I want somone who goes out of their way to spend time with me. Or perhaps just someone to talk with about something other than just small talk. I want someone to flirt with me regardless of how long we’ve been together just to let me know she’s interested.
I want not to be alone anymore.
Maybe I am making a big deal out of nothing. I’m so tired right now I can’t tell. All I know is something is missing and I really wish that, whatever it may be, I could find it.
For now I turn to my empty bed and fill my empty head with dreams of someone who will command my attention and fill this void.
Happy New Year.
