Office Hell!
Office jobs are punishment from God. I can attest to this, for I have one. It is not terribly unfortunate as it provides me with some time to do other odd jobs that I typically don’t make time for. I am simultaneously collating copies, looking for a new apartment and text messaging almost everyone I have a phone number for. Of course, now you are questioning the validity of my opening statement because, really, it doesn’t sound too bad. Like I said, it really isn’t- but it is still God’s private purgatory for the middle class.
The number one thing about office jobs are the infinite supply of inconveniences. No matter what you have been assigned to do, you can be assured that some facet of it will require you to do more work because the person who assigned it to you has failed to do something on their end. I just had to make 57 copies of a particular form because the person who handed me the assignment didn’t bother to make sure there were enough copies of each of the forms I needed to complete this project.
A little known fact about people who work office jobs: broken copiers and copier related malfunctions are the leading cause of death amongst office workers. When the copier goes down someone’s ass is immediately is on the line. That is something that isn’t getting done or that will now take longer to do. In the office world, time is money. Some will respond with the initial disbelief. No, it’s not totally broken. It will come back on. Maybe if I unplug it… No luck. Then panic sets in. That paper won’t make it to your boss’s desk on time, the team down the hall won’t get that memo. So on, so forth. The frenzy, if left unchecked, will evolve into a full blown bloodbath. A total horrorshow. Think of any George A. Romero zombie film meets hyenas fighting over a fresh carcass. It can get ugly.
In reality, it’s all a bunch of idiotic bullshit. What is an office anyway but a bunch of people doing someone else’s work so that the person/ people at the top of the food chain can succeed and further repress the homogeneous clones. I don’t want my blood and sweat to pay for anyone’s vacation home, third car or yacht except mine. It is time to formulate a trajectory out of this sand trap.
