On the Brain
Here I sit in front of the computer screen once again. There is a pile of papers on my desk that need to be tended to and I just can’t give a damn about them. My head is swimming in this fresh torrent of emotion that has come so unexpectedly. I can’t remember a time when I felt this way. Ever. It confuses me.
As the light streamed into my bedroom this morning that feeling was there. It was with me when I went to bed and all afternoon as I talked to her. It is a heady, staggering emotion. Some confused jumble of infatuation, awe, respect, hope and longing. The whole thing is like trying to fit pieces of a jigsaw puzzle together that form different pictures. They seem as though they should all fit to form one big picture, but when you try they come close and then fail. I realize that seems to give a negative connotation to this emotion, which is not my intent. It is simply the best way I can describe it. In truth, I hope this feeling never leaves me. As I write this I steal glances at a picture she sent me. I can’t seem to tear myself away from it. It is absolutely intoxicating.
The feeling alone is not all that occupies me. Thoughts of her I find to be more and more prevalent and harder to dispel. Not that I wish to dispel them, but so prevalent have they become that I can barely function. It fascinates me that so little time has passed since we first began talking and already I feel very connected. I have never connected with anyone so quickly. It is stranger still that these feelings persist despite the fact we have not yet met in person. The excitement is incredible and exhausting. Perhaps things will fall into place and I will soon get to see her. I am hoping so and striving to pull together the loose ends that are holding me back.
